Exit Stage Left

Good evening everyone, I’m… hang on a second, is this thing on?  Ah yes, it’s fine, it’s just covered in cobwebs since it’s been, you know, several months since I bothered to press that magical ‘Post’ button.  I’m sure there’s a couple of people out there somewhere who casually followed this nonsense but probably never wondered why I stopped suddenly. Never fear, though – I am still alive and rather than do something drastic like spend a couple of weeks in a jungle or become President of the United States in a bid to boost my profile, I’ve merely decided to tap away at my keyboard and produce a piece of writing that’s identical to the previous six on this page, only with different words and pictures.  Now isn’t that exciting?  (I assure you that was rhetorical…)

Rumours of Maxwell’s death are greatly exaggerated

No, I don’t mean Robert Maxwell, of course (for one thing, I’ve already flogged that particular ‘joke’ to death), but my very own Maxwell Mouse, having gone into hibernation for what feels like a couple of millennia (if mice can go into hibernation, that is).  For crying out loud, people have been into space and come back in the time it’s taking to create this bloody game.  It is not uncommon for projects to fall by the wayside as anyone who’s followed the Amiga scene in recent years will know all too well, but look.  It’s alive.  Honestly.  Give it a prod with a stick or something if you don’t believe me.

Maxwell Mouse on tour

I have no doubt it’s gone completely unnoticed that I have been keeping a rather low profile, blog-wise, in recent weeks.  There are numerous reasons for this, prominent among them being that I have been quite extraordinarily lazy but also, to be perfectly frank, there’s been very little worth writing about on the Maxwell front.  In my defence, I had intended to write this article a fortnight or so ago, but in a sudden and unexpected burst of activity, a couple of people – yes, real human beings and everything – approached me (completely independently of each other) about the possibility of producing some graphics for the game, so I spent a not-inconsiderable amount of time preparing documents, example artwork and level maps to help them get started. Said humans are also experienced and talented pixel artists, so I’m really looking forward to seeing what they come up with.  That and the fact that without a full set of graphics, Maxwell doesn’t happen.  Simple as that (no pressure, eh?).

Here’s one I prepared earlier…

Writing a blog tracking the development of a videogame isn’t anything unusual.  Tedious and self-aggrandising?  Yes.  Interesting and original?  Definitely not.  So how, then, do I liven things up a bit and make it even harder than it is already to write something worthwhile?  How about having written a large proportion of the bloody game ages ago?  Yes, that ought to do it.

Take 526… and action

You know those insufferably cringey ‘behind the scenes’ features they sometimes do for films and TV shows, where star actors pretend to be best friends with the tea lady whilst engaging in some of the most hilariously embarrassing and forced (ugh) ‘banter’ ever known to the human race?  Well, this article is rather like that.  Only without the banter.  And the actors.  And the tea lady.  But apart from that, it’s exactly the same.  Oh yes.

What’s the story…

“…morning glory,” as Liam Gallagher once sang about twenty years ago on the Oasis album of the same name.  I don’t really have the answer, and if we’re being truthful, I don’t think either Liam or his brother Noel, when he was writing the song, had any idea either.  I think, however, I’m safe in saying they weren’t thinking about plots for computer games at that point.  More likely they were too busy singing about the “sunshhhhieeennnnee” to be thinking about anything else (yes, I had to get a written Mancunian accent in there somewhere.  I promise this won’t ever happen again).

Knock knock…

Oh, hello there.  Do come in.  How are you?  Good.  Me?  I’m fine, thanks.  I must admit you’ve caught me off-guard.  I wasn’t expecting you this early, but never mind.  Shall we make a start, or would you like a drink first?  Tea, perhaps?  Or coffee?  (But there’s one particular brand I don’t have, so be careful with that one.)

Er, anyway.  That’s from page 275 of ‘Stalling So You Don’t Have To Bother Writing A Decent Intro, Ever’, a book I have practically learnt off by heart.  I’m a bit rubbish at introductions.  Introducing myself, introducing other people… and now I’ve discovered I can’t even introduce a fictional blue mouse.  A mouse called Maxwell, if you must know.